Anyone Else But You
by McGorgeous
Summary: Well, after the divorce. Derek missed whispering into her ear how much he loved her, the way her skin felt under his lips, how she could make him feel at home and comfortable with just a smile. Addek eventually.
1. When You re Gone

**A/N:** So, newest fic. I don´t even remember how I came up with it. I guess I just love my ship too much to let it sink! Screw Shonda, screw MerDer! Let´s get Addek back!

**Disclaimer:** I don´t own anything. If I did, my ship would still be there and there wouldn´t have been any disgusting break up sex that made me stop watching. Break up sex between Addie and Derek without breaking up would´ve taped my Addek heart together again though.

**Oscar note:** Patrick Dempsey! Seriously, I've seen him in real life but I had to keep myself from screaming at the screen! And hats up to Jill, she's just gorgeous. Ruby Dee, amazing person. I couldn't help but drop everything I was doing and just looked at her and listened to what she said. Amazing actress.

#Anyone Else But You#

**When You´re Gone**

_I always needed time on my own  
__I never thought I'd, need you there when I cried.  
__And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
__And the bed where you lie,  
__Is made up on your side._

Addison couldn´t believe it. He was gone. It was over. All over.

She had been married for eleven years, their twelfth anniversary only weeks away. Now it was like she was having a nightmare. One she knew she would never wake up from. Addison Shepherd wasn´t Addison Shepherd anymore. It was just Montgomery now. Derek and she had gotten a divorce. After sixteen years of being a couple and twenty years of being best friends.

Her marriage with her McDreamy ended. No, not her McDreamy anymore. Meredith Grey´s McDreamy. Addison felt nauseas, numb and empty. She glanced down on her hand. The hand her rings once had been shimmering on. Now there just was a pale line where her wedding ring had been.

She could feel tears building up, but tried to blink them away. Addison Montgomery didn´t cry. She didn't show weakness. That was how she was and who she wanted to be. But she had distanced herself from this and she hated it. Addison had been crying herself to sleep every night, but the worst thing about this entire situation was that she had to see her ex husband and his dirty, and not even pretty, dirty mistress every day. She had to work with both of them and Addison always plastered on a smile. She missed him and she would have done everything to get the love of her life back.

_When you walk away  
__I count the steps that you take  
__Do you see how much I need you right now?_

This was what confidence and independency had gotten her into. Derek thought she didn't need him and quite honestly, she couldn't blame him.

Addison had thought she would be alright on her own.

But truth was, she missed him and she couldn't picture how it would be without Derek. It made her heart ache and her stomach twist when she even thought about it. About having to live without him. Him who she had given her heart to.

_When you're gone  
__The pieces of my heart are missing you!  
__When you're gone  
__The face I came to know is missing too!  
__When you're gone  
__All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day...  
__And __make  
__it__ OK...__I miss __you_

Months had passed since they weren't AddisonandDerek anymore. Now they were Addison and Derek, the divorced couple that avoided even looking at each other. It had been hard, going to work every day and seeing each other. But Derek didn't care, or that's what Addison thought.

The reality was different though. It hurt him to see Addison like this. However he was with Meredith. Who he loved.

But the situation was complicated. Of course he still had feelings for Addison, that's how it is after all the years they had been together.

Derek sighed. How could everything had become like this? How had he gotten from husband who loves his wife more than anything to the guy who had ignored his wife, treated her horribly and then divorced her.

Deep down Derek hated himself for what he had become.

_I've never felt this way before  
__Everything that I do,  
__Reminds me of you.  
__And the clothes you left  
__They lie on the floor,  
__And they smell just like you,  
__I love the things that you do!_

He hated himself for what he had done to the love of his life, she was broke and it was all his fault. Whoa, wait, love of his life?! No, that couldn't be, he loved Meredith. Meredith loved him. It was perfect.

But he found himself thinking about his ex wife a lot these days.

Everything reminded him of her. Like when he opened a Cornflakes pack.

Addison could never open it and had always asked him to do it for her.

It was the little things. The little things that made him realize just how much he missed her.

_When you walk away  
__I count the steps that you take  
__Do you see how much I need you right now?  
__When you're gone  
__The pieces of my heart are missing you!  
__When you're gone  
__The face I came to know is missing too!  
__And when you're gone  
__The words I need to hear to always get me through the day...  
__And __make __it  
__ OK...__I miss __you_

Addison sighed heavily, leaning back against the wall behind her. She closed her eyes, trying to push the picture of Derek and Meredith, that had burned itself into her corneas, back. She didn't want to see it. She wanted to get over him, move on. Move on to a better place. But someone above seemed to hate her and just wouldn't let her.

Addison probably just needed a break of everything, to cleat her head and maybe scratch her own eyes out.

And the worst thing was yet to come, she had to work with him today. Not Meredith, but Derek, who was the lesser of two evils, but she still hated it.

Addison hated having to do this, having to act as if she was fine with everything. Because she was not.

_We were made for each other  
__Out here forever,  
__I know we were,  
__Yeah __Yeah  
__All I ever wanted was for you to know  
__Everything I do I give my heart and soul,  
__I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me...  
__Yeah_

Derek's eyes caught a flash of red hair. His head spun around and his eyes immediately searched for her. But Addison was gone, she had disappeared once again. It was just after they had been talking about their patient.

Their gazes had locked several times but she had broken the spell that was between them by looking on the ground. And Derek couldn't blame her.

It made his heart ache for her. For who she used to be. But she wasn't his anymore, she hadn't been in a long time. They had tried to act civilized and he had told her to take her wedding rings off. He wouldn't have blamed her if she had thrown them after him, but she didn't. She was Addison after all. Classy, strong, independent, beautiful, intelligent and so much more.

Yes, Derek Shepherd missed his wife, well, ex wife. He missed coming home to her every night, he missed everything about her.

But what was he supposed to do?

For all he knew she probably hated him. He couldn't just go to her and tell her that he missed her. He couldn't break up with Meredith for Addison again.

Or could he?

_When you're gone  
__The pieces of my heart are missing you!  
__When you're gone  
__The face I came to know is missing too!  
__When you're gone  
__The words I need to hear will always get me through the day...  
__And __make __it__  
OK...__I miss __you_

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so, continue or not?  
I know its kinda ... not good. But I got distracted by Patrick and George on the screen!  
**Review and tell me if I should continue!**


	2. From Laughing and Making Up

**A/N:** So, I decided to continue and I have a plan where this is gonna go, wohoove" / me. So, I cut my finger and got distracted by 'The Closer' on tv. 

**Disclaimer:** I own nothin, as sad as it is, not even glasses and I swear I'm almost blind here! Plus I'm still 16 and still a poor student who's still learning English

**From Laughing and Making Up**

After a long tiring day at the hospital Addison sat at Joe's bar, drowning a Martini. The day hadn't exactly worked out how she had wanted it to. Her patients had done nothing but bitching and on top of all she lost a patient. It was no good day for Addison Montgomery and the fact that Mark had been asking her out all day hadn't helped at all.

"Hey, is this seat taken?" Addison turned around and looked at Derek standing behind her. It surprised her, usually he avoided her, or they avoided each other. Like there was a lethal line between them.

"I think you've asked me that before." Addison smiled softly, referring to how they had met.

**FLASHBACK**

"Is this seat taken?" A twenty four year old Addison Montgomery turned around, looking at a guy giving her a nervous smile.

"Sure, go ahead." She answered shortly, fixing her gaze on the copy of 'Persuasion' in her hands again.

"I'm Derek. Derek Shepherd." The guy introduced himself and extended his hand.

"Addison Montgomery." She laid her book down and put her glasses on top of it, looking at Derek.

**FLASHBACK**

"Yeah." Derek smiled back at his ex wife, sitting down next to her as he ordered a Scotch.

"Since when are you talking to me again? I mean like outside the hospital talking to me." Addison asked, looking into his pale blue eyes.

"What happened to the whole civilized thing?" He laughed, remembering when she had told him about that.

"Hmm, right. Let me formulate it differently: Since when do you, Derek Shepherd, greatest neuro surgeon in the world, following the civilized divorced couple thing?" She asked mockingly.

"Oh the sarcasm is back, I used to love that about you." He shook his head and grinned, knowing she was expecting an answer.

"Thanks but you didn't answer my question."

"Right" Derek sighed and looked into her emerald green eyes "there was a time we were best friends."

Addison furrowed her eyebrows together "Yeah, I know." She hated thinking about this, thinking about what they had become.

"You think we… we could go back to that?" Derek asked carefully, testing the waters almost.

"That's not by any chance about you not having anyone to talk to here? I mean, you just can't choose when you want to be friends with me and when you want to ignore me." She said bitterly.

"It's not about that Addison." Addison looked up from her fingers that were tracing the rim of her Martini glass and saw the honesty in his eyes. "I hate what has happened to us and I know it's my fault too. So could we please just make up?"

"I'd love to." She gave him a smile. Addison did want to make up, to be friends with him again, well, not just friends, but she tried to push those thoughts back.

"Good." Derek sighed in relief. "Friends again?" he raised his eyebrows and waited for her to take his hand.

Addison rolled her eyes and smiled broadly before taking his hand in hers. "Friends again." She repeated.

"So, how was your day?" Derek asked after a while.

"You don't wanna know." She answered shortly. Addison didn't feel like talking about it.

"I do wanna know, because you feel better if you talk about it."

"Fine, you win." She sighed. How well he knew her. "Well, I had this patient, really bright blond hair and tanned, fake nails and some fake British accent."

"Don't judge Addie." Derek grinned, he knew Addison loved to judge people by how they looked.

"Shut up! You'd have too. Anyway, her vanilla perfume gave me a migraine and the annoying clicking of her heels didn't make it any better."

"You're always wearing high heels Addison." He interrupted her.

"Not my point! So, she started ranting about how her ankles look now. So I explained to her it was normal. And what do I get?! 'You should not pin up your hair.' And you know why?! Because my ears apparently aren't my best feature."

Derek had to do his best to hold back a laugh, especially because of the pissed off expression on Addison's face, when he noticed her hair was falling over her shoulders "So you took her advice?" he asked in an amused tone.

"You know what? Just shut up or tell me about your day."

"Okay, okay." Derek couldn't help but laugh and after a few minutes she started laughing along with him

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There, they talked, they made up YAY lol.  
If you don't like the update, blame it on the meds that make me see coloured spots.  
Did ya like it? Be honest please, I rly wanna know :)

**GIMME**


	3. Jealousy, Talking and Margaritas

**A/N:** Soooooo, me loves Margaritas, even though I'm 16

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything, not even Margarita .

Emily: I'm way too lazy to write out your pen name, just by the way. Glad you thought it was cute and about the "GIMMEGIMME.." you have to do that for our daughter . Plus I once quoted an N'Sync song subconciously and people noticed, that was embarrassing. ♥ Love, your wifey. ♥

Liz: same, also too lazy to write out pen name. I still haven't gotten the cherry on top of your please. LOL Hope you like the update and are pleased with the whole Merder relationship, though it will get worse in the next chap.

Bleupastel: LOL, thanks, glad you like the story! Means a lot to me that people don't hate it

Addiekatefan: Thankies!! And here's the next chap.

Wishing For A Love Like This: wow, long pen name. Thanks, happy you liked the short flashback. I'll try to write more of them but I need it to get with the story, so, meh. Although I included one

Abbeyannmd: Well, I'm too lazy for longer chaps, sorry, but I'm a student, we live for shortening stuff.

Addekislove: Thanks, glad you found the description of me and my friend funny, we always interrupt each other lol.

Lu78: Thanks at first for the short pen name lol. Also thankies for the kwl review, I agree, way too less Addek stories.

**Jealousy, Talking and Margaritas**

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked when she saw Derek walking over to the door.

"I'm going to Joe's with Addison." He explained, he had promised her to come there. Actually they had planned to go together but his surgery got cancelled.

"Again?!" Meredith was annoyed that he went out with Addison, his ex wife, for the thrid time this week.

"We're friends Meredith, just friends." He sighed, how could she be that jealous?!

"Okay." She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"See you when I come back."

"Whatever." Meredith hoped he would stay with her, but if he didn't want to be with her, he didn't want to be with him either.

Derek sighed and walked out of the door, he needed some time without her, she was so clingy these days and acted jealous whenever he just talked to another woman. It didn't matter if she was a patient, a nurse or another doctor. But especially talking to Addison sent her into a blinding rage.

"Hey you." Addison turned around and looked at Derek.

"Hey yourself." She smiled. "You look kinda down."

"Yeah well." Derek sighed and sat down next to her on the counter.

"What happened?" Addison asked and took a sip of her Margarita.

"Oh, it's Margarita today?" He raised his eyebrows at her. Usually Addison always ordered Martini.

"Yes it is, so, what's wrong?" She knew he just wanted to change the subject and she was sure as hell not going to let that happen.

"Meredith is acting weird." Derek ordered a Scotch, knowing he would probably need more than just one today.

"Weird like?" She questioned, not satisfied with the answer she had gotten.

"Like jealous." He took a large gulp of his Scotch before looking at Addison again, who wanted him to elaborate. "She doesn't like that I am here with you right now."

"Oh. Well, why are you here then?"

"Because you're my friend Addison. She's with her friends all the time and I don't say anything either. So, that's why I'm here." He explained.

"Okay." Addison nodded, she didn't know what to say to this. But Derek was right, they were just friends. When they were still married however Derek always went out with her, both of them together, which stopped when he became absent though.

"So, how was your day?"

"It was… It was okay. I got asked out on a date." Addison wasn't sure if she should tell him this and she hated dating anyone else but Derek, but they were friends now.

"Oh, when did this happen?" He tried to ignore the pang in his chest when Addison had announced she was going on a date. With someone else. It felt so wrong, even though he had done it all along, a little voice in his head still whispered she was his.

"Hmm, about twenty minutes before you came." Addison held up a card. "Jason asked me out." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Have fun at your date then."

"Thanks." She shifted uncomfortably "Hey, how about having some Margaritas?" Addison quickly suggested.

Derek laughed "Remember the last time we did that?"

"Oh god, I don't even want to remember that." Addison laughed too.

**Flashback**

"Shut up!" Kathleen laughed loudly.

"No you shut up!" Nancy giggled, already slurring.

"We're all gonna end up olddddd and aloooneee." Kyra slurred, gulping her Margarita as the women started giggling again.

"Except for those two." Diana pointed at Addison, who was leaning against Derek's chest, her cheeks in a deep crismon colour, matching her hair.

"She won't marry him anyway!" Nancy practically yelled and laughed hysterically.

"Hey! Why won't she marry me?!" derek looked up, he probably was the only sober one.

"Because…" Kathleen started but then giggled again, so Diana had to finish her sentence. "Because she looks a lot better than you!" everyone started laughing, including Addison and Derek.

**FLASHBACK**

"Yeah, my ego was bruised after this." Derek cracked up, taking a sip of his Margarita.

"Oh come on, I still married you!" She giggled, drowning her first Margarita at once.

"Yeah, but we also got divorced. So Nancy wins." He also finished off his drink, ordering two more. This was going to be a long night.

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There, new update, talking, drinking and seriously he "fought" with Mer, what do you want more?

**GIMME**  
Reviews make me update faster


	4. Fights, Dates and Memories

**A/N: **It's like 4:40 at night and I can't sleep, plus I have my first day of this work experience thingy tomorrow meh. Wish me luck, though you won't read this update for like a week, except for my hubby of course.

**Disclaimer: **As usual, I don't own anything, still 16, still broke.

Liz: Yeah, we all need MerDer fights and a Merder break up with out break up sex! I mean that seriously made me throw up, no kidding. I would never let you down, you'll get Addek next chap, though I already told you that.

Donita: There you go.

LiasonFan2: Well sorry to disappoint you, but I have my plan, yah actually I do, would make my German teacher all proud now, and I wont kill my plan, sorry. But you'll get angst soon. Btw, angst is a german word, freaks me out every time I type it!

WFALLT: There, shortened your name, but it sounds good lol, just too lazy, sorry, if you have a shorter name I can write, lemme know. Me loved Nancy, so I needed to get them in there lol. And another flashback just for you.

Beth: Thankies!!! And yah the dumb kid is jealous and it'll get worse, well better for us Addek fans.

Honey (yh emily, you know that's you): Yeah she so looks better, though he's pretty hot too. Well, you know we'd do you-know-who-writing it like that b/c my teacher doesn't have to know xD. Love, your wifey see you tonight babe

**Fights, Dates and ****Memories**

Addison Shepher didn't… No, wait, Addison Montgomer didn't have a date in… Well, she actually couldn't remember. Since Derek, that was for sure. So she was nervous. More than nervous actually. Addison was pacing and just couldn't find the earrings that would go with her dress.

"Jeez, Addison calm down!" Callie told her slightly annoyed and leaned back, so she was now lying on her back.

"Shut up! I am calm!" Addison replied from the bathroom.

"Sure you are." Callie mocked her friend. "I'm Lady Diana if you're calm."

"Does this match?" She decided to let it go and stepped out of the bathroom, wearing a silk strapless dress in a dark green, with a brown ribbon around her waist.

"Addison, you look great!" Callie reassured her, but Addison still didn't really believe it. She opened her mouth to say something, but then heard the doorbell ring.

"No, no, no, no, no! I'm not ready…" Addison started rambling, her eyes wide open.

"Come on, just get over yourself and have fun." Callie pushed her friend towards the door.

* * *

"Meredith, just let it go, alright?" Derek felt his temper rise, again he was in a stupid fight with her and again she was jealous for some reason she didn't even bother to share. 

"No! I will not let it go!" Meredith yelled hysterically, her voice getting higher and higher. Derek had this theory that only dogs and bats could hear her and she reached an ultrasonic level. He once had told her and oh she was pissed.

"What the hell did I do?!" He was getting tired of this entire relationship, of her. Probably it would be best to end it once and for all.

"Oh come on! I know how you look at her! Do you think I am blind?!"

"Look at who Meredith?!" Derek yelled back, not able to control himself and his voice any longer.

"Addison!" She spat. Oh how she hated her.

"We're just friends for god's sake! Can't you just accept this?! Accept that I have a friend?!" He was sick and tired of trying to justifie his friendship with Addison, there was no reason for it.

"You're not friends! Not with _her_! You're not friends with Ms.adulterous bitch!"

"Don't you dare call her that!" Derek knew he had called Addison this, but she had hurt him back then and Meredith sure as hell didn't get to call her an adulterous bitch.

"See and you're always defending her! Go to hell Derek!"

"This is over Meredith!"

"What?!" This caught her off guard.

"It's over. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you yelling at me and that I have to defend being friends with my ex wife!"

"Fine!" She yelled and stormed upstairs.

* * *

After their move Addison and Jason walked down the street in slilence. 

"So, what's your favorite book?" She started.

"Uhh, I don't really read." He asnwered and Addison's face fell. _'Okay, he doesn't read, fine, maybe he just doesn't have any time.'_

"What do you do for a living then?"

"I have the same job as back in my high school days." He grinned. "I'm working in a movie theater."

"You have the same job as in high school?" She raised her eyebrows in disbelieve.

"Yeah, like I would give that up! If you want I can get you posters for your room." Jason offered her.

"Uhh, no, I'm good." _'Oh god, what a loser.'_

"So, I was captain of the football team in high school."

_'Did his brain stop progressing when he was still IN high school?!' _"That's impressive." Addison said sarcastically, but apperantly he didn't get that. "So, interested in politics?"

"No, I have this system so I know who to vote for."

Even though she knew she didn't really want to know, she asked anyway "What kinda system?"

"Well, the first I vote for, the second not. And if there are girls in there, I vote for the hottest." Jason explained his system.

"Great." Addison wanted to be far away right in this moment, she wanted what Derek and she had had back.

**FLASHBACK**

"Hmm, yeah you're right, but I still like neo-natal." A twenty one year old Addison Montgomery grinned at derek. It was their first date.

"Neo-natal, no, never!" Derek laughed. "I want a career." He smirked, knowing this would probably get her.

And he was right. Addison's eyes widened "I will have a career Mr. oh-I-wanna-be-a-neuro-surgeon!" She laughed and playfull slapped his arm.

Derek joined her laughter "I will get more money."

"I am doing this to help people." Addison knew the money also was a reason for wanting to be a surgeon, but he didn't have to know that.

Derek looked at her and knew he had lost this. "Fine, you win."

Addison gave him a self satisfied smile, knowing he was THE one.

**FLASHBACK**

"I'd totally vote for you." Without warning he kissed her.

Addison jumped back "I gotta go."

"I'll call you.""Don't bother, pick up some cheerleaders and don't waste my time." She walked off.

* * *

Derek sighed, he knew he had done the right thing, but the problem was he still had to work with her. And he could never get Bailey to take Meredtih off his cases, but he didn't really care, as long as it was over. Times with Addison had been so much easier. Tomorrow will be better. 

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Okayyy, he broke up with Mer, she had a bad date, you even got flashbacks!

**GIMME**


	5. Drinks, Feelings and Love

Bleupastel: Thankies, glad you like it and a little more Addek right here.

Liz: Well, yes, but you know me, there's gonna be some angst soon.

Addekislove: Thankies, also happy you enjoyed lol.

Mitchy Spex: Yeah, like most of my dates. But yeah, was fun to write.

**A/N:** Sooo, I'm home and I'm sick and I'm bored. 

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything, all I have is a fever and a crush on Rock Hudson.

So, thankies to Emily (McDreamys Gurl) for helping me write this, you're awesome hubby 

**WARNING: Squee, if you don't like it, skip, I'll put in a little summary in the next chap.**

�

**Drinks, Feelings and Love**

�

After her horrible date Addison sat at the counter in Joe's bar, drowning a Martini. Derek walked into the bar, immediately spotting Addison. She sighed and ordered her second drink, hoping to forget the date from hell.

''Is this seat taken?'' Addison turned around and smiled broadly when she saw Derek. "It never is."

''Good.'' He smiled, sitting down next to her.

"So, why are you here on a Saturday night?"

''Well, mostly because I have nowhere else to go.'' Addison raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for Derek to elaborate.

''Meredith and I broke up.''

"You.. what? Why?" She tried to ignore the tingling in her stomach and the hopes that were rising.

''We broke up, should've done that a long time ago.'' He sighed. Addison's stomach was doing little flips. "And why?"

''She was jealous because we're friends and I guess in the end, our relation just wasn't real.'' He paused. ''It was nothing compared to what we had.'' She just looked at him, not sure what to say when their moment was interrupted by Joe who asked what they wanted to drink. "Margaritas?" Addison asked Derek.

''Please!''

A while later their drinks arrived and Addison immidietley took a large gulp of her Margarita, hopefully the date would be forgotton soon.

''So what brought you here?'' Derek motioned to Joe to bring him a new Margarita.

"Bad date." She finished her drink and also ordered the next one.

''Tell me about it.''

"Oh well, nothing much to tell. It was okay, then we started talking. Turns out he still lives with his mother, has no idea about politics and so on and so on. Then he tried to kiss me, so, the date was a total blow."

''Seriously, that's all?''

"What? That was bad!" Addison tried to defend herself, or her bad date.

''Oh boy...''

"What! Our dates were a lot better."

''But that's because we're awesome.''

Addison laughed "Yeah we are. And apperantly I'm not able to date anyone else but you."

''Yeah.'' Derek downed his drink. ''Me either.''

"What do we do?" She ordered two more Margaritas for both of them.

''Drink.''

"Hmm, so true."

A few hours and uncountable drinks later, Derek laughed loudly. "And then Mark came in!" Addison giggled and looked up from her empty Margarita glass at Derek. Joe had refused to give them any more alcohol. He looked back at her, giving her a big smile She got lost in his pale blue eyes, already seeing a little blurry, the wonders of Margaritas. Derek leaned in a little closer, gazing into her eyes. Addison could feel the so familiar tingles in her stomach, like always when she was close to him, though this time she wasn't sure if it were the drinks or Derek. He moved his head to the side, their lips so close that he could feel her breath on his lips. Her eyes fluttered closed in anticipation, knowing this would be a mistake, but one time couldn't hurt, right? He closed the gap in between them, taping his lips on hers. Addison responded without a hassle and wrapped her arms around his neck. He rested his hand on the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair as he deepened the kiss. After a while she pulled back breathlessly "This is wrong..."

''No.'' He whispered, capturing her lips again. Once again she pulled away "You're going to regret this." Despite the desire she felt for him Addison also knew if he would regret this, he would hate her for it.

''I won't.'' She raised an eyebrow, still not fully believing him and she needed to be sure.

''I love you Addison.'' And then every semblence of self control vanished, she pressed her lips on his, kissing him hard. He immediately responded to the kiss, slipping his tongue into her mouth. Addison moaned lowly into the kiss, the bar wasn't really the best place for this to happen, but well... His hand went to wrap around her waist before he moved his lips to her ear. ''Let's get out of here.'' She could smell the alcohol on his breath and quickly nodded her head before both of them made their way out of the bar.

Once they reached the upper steps of his trailer he reached out for his keys, trying to open the door while kissing her fervently.

When he had finally managed to open the door both of them stepped inside, their lips never breaking contact. He quickly shut the door with one hand, the other already hiking up her shirt. Addison let out a breathy little moan in protest when his lips left hers for a moment. He grinned and placed his lips back on hers, this time unclasping her bra. She kissed him back eagerly, not willing to get down from the high she was experiencing from his body so close to hers. Derek moaned into the kiss, leading then towards the bed. Slowly she followed suit, pushing the buttons of his shirt though the holes and teasingly ran her fingers up and down his bare chest. He let her bra slip over her shoulders, falling on top of her when the back of her knees hit the bed. Addison laid down on the bed, looking at him for a moment before she pulled his body on top of hers. He placed wet kisses on her chest, undoing the zipper of her skirt. Moaning she started shifting her hips against his and unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them down as far as she could. Derek shrugged off his jeans, moving both of them higher up to the bed as he took off her skirt. Addison wrapped one of her legs around his waist, trying to pull him even closer than he already was. He moved his lip up to her neck, leaving a hickey there when he slowly started to drag down her panties.

She could feel her entire body burn with ecstasy and moaned lowly. He moved his head up again and captured her lips, throwing her panties on the floor as he slipped two fingers inside of her. She gasped at the new sensation, how could she have forgotten how good he could make her feel? He reached deeper inside of her, slowly starting to pump his fingers.  
"Derek!" She moaned out loudly, looking into his eyes.

"Hmm.'' He grinned, loving that he could make her moan out his name. Just after a few seconds of this Addison could already feel herself getting closer and closer to the edge. He curled up his fingers inside of her, his thumb brushing over her clit. She practically screamed out his name as she came, wave after wave of her climax washing over her. He smiled and kissed her cheek, removing his fingers from her

"Thank you." She breathed out.

''It was my pleasure.'' He kissed her lips.

Addison quickly kissed him back heatedly. He pushed his tongue inside her mouth, massaging it with hers as he ran his fingers over her thigh.  
"Hmmmm" she moaned quietly into the kiss, how she had missed this, no one could make her feel like her could. His free hand travelled up over her body, massaging her breast. Addison ran her fingers up and down his back, still trying to pull him closer. He moved his lips to her ear and placed small kisses on it, breathing heavily. '  
'Are you sure about this?''  
"Yeah I am." She whispered back and it was true, she was sure, but not certain if he wouldn't regret this.  
''Okay.'' He smiled, quickly getting rid of his boxers.  
"You are too, right?" she asked, meeting his gaze  
''More than anything.''  
"Good." She gave him a sligh smile and wrapped her leg around his hips.

He smiled back at her, pecking her lips before he slowly entered her. Addison moaned rather loudly and shifted her hips against his, urging him to go on. He moaned lowly, rocking his hips against hers. She breathed out his name in a husky tone, bringing her other leg around his waist as well. He lifted her hips up slightly, increasing their pace.  
"Oh god." She moaned, clenching her muscles around him.  
''Addison.'' He breathed out, thrusting only harder. She started bucking her hips up against his, meeting his thrusts. Derek moaned loudly, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Her breathing became laboured as she felt herself losing control over her body. He continued thrusting his hips in long strokes. Addison's second orgasm was even more mind blowing than the first one. He kept thrusting until he found his own release, moaning her name out loudly when his orgasm crashed over him.Afterwards she was breathing heavily and looked up at him, their gazes met. Derek pecked her lips and pulled out of her, rolling them over so she was lying on top of him.  
"What are you doing?" She asked rather confused.  
"Nothing.'' He chuckled. ''But I guess this would be more comfortable then me lying on you.''  
"What would be?" She was clearly not getting him.  
''Sleeping.'' He rolled his eyes. ''I'm rather heavy.''  
"Okay, okay." she mumbled, closing her eyes.  
''Yeah.'' He laughed, taking in the scent of her hair.  
"Nighty night."  
''Night.''  
Quickly both of them had drifted off to dream land, happy to be in each others arms once again.

�

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so, they had sex, yeah I know, I would have let them kiss, but Liz and Emily wanted squee, well, I've only asked those two so lol.

What do you think? Happy Addek or angst?  
**GIMME**


	6. Regrets, denial and the morning after

Undercover God: Well, Ms. Smarty Pants, you're email adress is displayed, just FYI, so, thnx Emily 

signaliduna78: Hey, you German? anyway, thankies and I have an awesome plan for this story, well more than that, I'll sort them put in London.

**A/N:** Of course it's gonna be angst, I mean I got them drunk for a reason ;-) Soooooo, me is leaving for London tomoz and I updated just for you. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, just a plane ticket to LONDON! But you can't have that,soz.

**Regrets, denial and the morning after**

The next morning Addison awoke feeling satisfied and protected, but with a huge headache. _What the hell happened last night! _She slowly started to open her eyes, the sunlight that was sneaking through the blinds not helping her headache. Then, slowly Addison noticed someone was lying next to her, someone she knew just too well. _Nooo, we didn't! _There was absolutely no possibility that she and Derek had had sex, there just wasn't. They were friends, good friends who don't have sex. Right? She lifted the sheet, which was wrapped around her only to discover she indeed didn't have any clothes on. _Oh no, this is not happening! _"Damn it, damn it, damn it…" She buried her head in her hands, cursing herself for her foolishness. _You don't just get drunk and sleep with your ex husband! That's stupid, that's just so unbelievably stupid. How could I do this? How could he do this? How could I LET him do this! _Her mind was running on over-drive, the last thing of last night she remembered was drinking Margaritas and that he told her he broke up with his slutty intern. And she laughed, a lot. But after that everything was pretty much in a blur.

Slowly she got up from the bed, trying not to wake him, and started to get dressed. Once fully clothed again she put on her jacket with the intention of leaving as soon as only possible. _Maybe he doesn't even remember. He doesn't have to. As long as he won't blame me for this… _The Derek Addison married wouldn't blame her, but then again, there was a reason for their divorce. 

"Addison?" A sleepy voice behind her said, making Addison spin around. _Damn it! Now he is awake! _She just stared at him and he looked back at her, shock in both of their eyes.

"Did we…?" He asked.

"No we didn't, we just had a pajama party and a pillow fight." Addison replied sarcastically and rolled her eyes at him.

"So we…" Derek tried to think back what exactly had happened the night before.

"Yeah we did." She confirmed with a nod, feeling uncomfortable. "And do you..?" He didn't have to finish his sentence, she already knew what he wanted to ask. "I don't remember anything that happened after ordering the Margaritas."

"What does this mean?"

"That we just need to get married in Vegas and then we'd have the world's worst hang over."

"Addison, damn it, this is serious!" He was starting to get frustrated with her answers, this wasn't a situation for her stupid jokes.

"It doesn't have to be! Let's just forget about it."

"I can't just forget about it."

"You forgot you had a wife, so this should be easy for you." Addison replied bitterly. "Don't start with this again! We aren't married anymore!"

"Oh that you don't forget." Right now she wanted to throw something at him, yell, slap him, something, but that would mean she cared, which he didn't have to know of. "So you just want to forget about it? Like it never happened?" He raised an eyebrow and she just nodded in return. "Like after you slept with my best friend?" Addison's head snapped up at this and her eyes filled with anger "You were never gonna let this go, were you!"

"How could I!"

"So me moving here was for nothing!"

"Are we divorced or not!" Both of them sighed and Addison rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry I started with this." She mumbled, hating to apologize. "Yeah, me too… So we just act as if nothing would have happened?"

"Yep, denial is the best option." Addison knew denial sucked, but with alcohol and lots of work it was bearable.

"Okay." He nodded and held back a sigh. "Okay." She gave him a small smile "I'm just gonna go now…"

"Yeah, right…"

"See you around." And with this she left the trailer and Derek. "See ya…"

_This was… well, weird. But what happened last night? Do I regret this? I mean she clearly thinks it was a huge mistake and we're not married anymore, but does this really mean I have to regret it? _

Derek let himself fall back onto the mattress. He didn't regret what had happened last night, not at all. But he also wasn't sure why he didn't or if it was just not really realizing he had just slept with his ex wife after breaking up with his girlfriend-who was the reason for his divorce-and lots of drinks.

This wasn't going to be easy, that was for sure.

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REVIEW

after all I did update...

**GIMME**


	7. Discoveries, Yelling and Tears

**A/N:**So, I'm back from London wohoo, sadly, I mean seriously I feel incredibly sorry for myself. Back in Germany meh and I should read a book for school, but I prefer to update my story. Hey, what happened to all my reviews?! C'mon you have an opinion and I'm really not sure about continuing this story -not trying to guilt you into reviewing btw-

**Disclaimer**: I don't own it, if I would someone would've pushed Mer in front of a bus and Addie and Derek would live happily ever after. Thanks Shonda for screwing this up.

Liz: Yah I know I really suck, you can be honest with me about that by the way. But yeah there will be angst and freak outs and discoveries and it will be a little complicated, but I believe I told you about this. So, seriously I need some help because I'm not certain about the situationnnn, oh doesn't that sound professional ? lol

Melanie: Well, I can tell you that he will confess but it won't be easy, they're Addie and Derek after all and I got them drunk for a reason. I'd tell you more, but everyone can read here and I don't wanna spoil it. Add me on msn if you wanna know more, so sorry.

**Discoveries, Yelling and Tears**

Addison and Derek had made an art of avoiding each other. Both of them tried to deny what had happened, neither willing to think about what had caused them to end up in bed together.

Addison stopped in her tracks when she saw Derek walking towards her. This was the last thing she needed, talking to him, even seeing him made her heart jumo and her stomach did little flips. Oh how she hated herself for still having those feeling for this man. The man who left her for this McBar Whore Meredith Grey. But she was over him, or so she had told herself.

"Addison, we need to talk."

"No we don't, there's nothing to talk about, really, we're good, fine, really." She stuttered and turned around to walk away, but Derek grabbed her wrist and stopped her from moving away from him. "We need to talk." He repeated calmly and Addison shifted uncomfortably, gazing around if anyone was watching them. "Maybe some other time." She quickly freed herself from his grasp and made her way past Derek. He was confused. Very confused.

"Hey, I think McDreamy is doing the she shepherd." Christina said casually and took a bite of her apple.

"What?!" Meredith almost chocked on her salad, making Alex grin at Izzie, who had to stifle her laughs.

"Well, it looked like it." Christina simply shrugged her shoulders.

"But we… how could he?!"

"Uhm, as far as I remember you broke up." George shortly looked up from his lunch. He didn't understand why she made such a big deal out of this, it wasn't like he was cheating on her.

"Yes but he can't just screw Satan again!" Meredith was close to tears, again. She was crying all the time these days, driving her friends crazy.

"God, pull yourself together, it's not like you didn't sleep with him while he was still married." Izzie rolled her eyes, out of all the sudden Meredith was playing the McSaint.

"While his wife was in the next room." Alex added.

"Why are you all on her side?!" Meredith cried and stormed out of the cafeteria.

--

Later that night Derek laid in his bed, smiling when he realized the pillow next to him smelled like Addison's favorite perfume. He hadn't changed the sheets yet and didn't even know why. He missed her. He missed holding her, kissing her, talking and laughing with her. Derek missed whispering into her ear how much he loved her, the way her skin felt under his lips, how she could make him feel at home and comfortable with just a smile. He missed all of her. Suddenly there was a knock on the door that's startled him out of his thoughts. Derek frowned as he gazed at the clock next to him. 11:40 was shining in bright red. Who would visit him at this time?

Slowly he got up and opened the door, disappointment evident on his face. It wasn't who he had hoped it would be. "Meredith…"

She came in, without saying a word she pushed past him, looking around in the trailer. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" Derek didn't get her. Why was she even here?

"That…" She started then her gaze wandered over his nightstand and Meredith saw a pair of golden hoop earrings. She walked over there and picked them up "So it is true. Who the hell are you thinking you are?!"

"The guy who broke up with you!"

"That doesn't give you the right to fuck Satan!" Meredith yelled at him. How she hated him, but she hated that adulterous bitch even more.

"Meredith…"

"For how long?! You've been sleeping with her all along!"

"It's none of your business!" Derek yelled back, meeting her anger.

"Damn it is!"

"No! I broke up with you for a god damn reason, now out!" He was furious, what the hell was she thinking?

"You son of a bitch!" Meredith yelled and stormed out.

--

Soooo, there you go, new chapter.

Seriously, review, push the blue button. Or I won't update anymore –insert evil laugh-

GIMME


	8. Gossiping, Realizations and Desperation

Anonymous: A: Tell me your name so I can thank you a little more personally lol, B: Thanks so much and with Addek alive, well, it's not gonna be easy but I have a plan.

LizzieLovesLife: Thankies, I feel honored now and yeah they'll talk… some day… That I actually haven't planned gosh great meh.

Hubby: Yeah I know, but no one wants to screw her…

Melanie: Why do you all put stars there? Lol anywayyyy Thankies and yeah it'll be a long way to go.

Right Hand Blue: Well I can't ignore this annoying, spoiled little brat so I stopped watching GA, gee thanks Shonda. Thanks for the review and glad you like the story :-)

Addiekatefan: Lol yeah, golden rule: Never feel sorry for mer. But thankies, glad you enjoyed.

**A/N:** Do I have anything to say? Dreading school and talk with McCutie, trust me you don't wanna know who that is.

Anyone seen Wicked by the way??

**Disclaimer:** Still 16, living at home and having a crush on PD so, I own nothing, so someone finally kill Meredith!

**Gossiping, Realizations and Desperation**

The next day when Addison Shepherd; yes, still Shepherd, she never actually changed her name; stepped into Seattle Grace hospital everyone was staring at her. She just smiled awkwardly and entered the elevator, the talking around her stopped and all gazes were on her. Addison turned bright red. It was like being in high school with braces and her red hair everywhere but where it was supposed to be, just without the braces and the hair problems.

_What the hell did I do now? Oh my god! They know! _Her face fell and she had to swallow hard and shook her head. _Don't be silly they can't know, Derek wouldn't tell, anyone, ever._ So she plastered on a smile and quickly rushed out of the elevator as soon as the doors dinged open.

"He has been sleeping with her all along! Behind my backkkkkkkkk!" Meredith whined. No, she didn't actually whine anymore, she was sobbing, again!

"He told you?" Christina wasn't really shocked, why wouldn't he? Meredith had been complaining about him a lot lately and if she was like this around him, she could understand McDreamy.

"He didn't even have to I found the earrings!" She cried.

"Yeah well, she found your panties, look at the irony." Alex commented.

"But she's such a slut! A dirty slut that's all she is!"

"Meredith! Shut up!" Izzie was sick of it. Sick of hearing Meredith rant about Addison, who was her boss and Izzie liked her, she was a good person and had helped her a lot and had been nothing but friendly.

"But it's the truth, she's a manipulative bitch."

"Meredith, you're going too far." Feeling uncomfortable about all this George shifted on his chair. Why did she have to make it all so… well annoying.

"I am nottttt she's ruining my life!"

"That's it, just stop that shit!" Alex was furious with her.

"Oh you're in love with her, sleeping with Satan too?!" She was just about to continue when Izzie slapped her. "Enough! Just enough!" She got up and walked away from the group.

"_Hey, I've heard Mongomery is screwing McDreamy." One of the nurses whispered, making all the others giggle._

Addison's eyes widened and she leaned back against the wall she had been walking along. This wasn't happening. She was just dreaming.

"_Yeah I bet, gosh she's just such a slut…"_

"_Well what did you expect?" _

No, surreal, dream… Okay, now she felt nauseas. Addison walked away, not wanting to hear any more of this. She knew they didn't like her, but that it was THAT bad…

"Addison!" Derek was now standing next to her.

"Not now Derek." She walked past him. Addison couldn't have this conversation now, or ever.

"Yes NOW." He pulled her with him into a supply closet and shut the door behind them.

"Oh this is so classy." Addison commented sarcastically. Why did he even care?!

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Derek questioned.

"What's wrong with me?! Seriously?! You have to ask that?!"

"Yes!"

"They know Derek!"

"What?" His jaw dropped, shock evident in his eyes. How could they know?!

"They know we slept together and I'm the whore and poor Meredith is the victim!" Addison spat. It had been like this ever since she came to Seattle.

"But how? I--?" Then he stopped and the realization hit him. Meredith had told them. All of them. Tears were buiding up in Addison's eyes, that much to a new start. "Addison, I didn't tell her, she found your earrings."

"I don't care, I can't do this anymore." She quickly got out of the closet and ran down the hall as her tears fell freely.

"Addison, let me in!" Callie knocked on the door to an on call room Addison had locked herself into.

"No." She sobbed, Addison didn't want to see anyone, not even Callie, all she wanted was to get as far away from Seattle as only possible.

"Then I'll kick the door down…" Then the door cracked open slightly.

"So it's true?" Callie asked, concern evident in her voice. Her friend just nodded in response, trying to whipe her tears away.

"But…"

"We were drunk. I know what you think now, we shouldn't have, and you're right, it was a huge mistake and now everyone knows. They all know and I screwed up…" She sighed heavily, tears forming up in her eyes once more.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright." Callie tried to calm her down.

"No it won't. I just have to get as far away from here as I can." She sighed desperatly.

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See, I updated, like before school/hell starts again.

**GIMME!**


	9. Decisions, Fears and Friendship

LizzieLovesLife: Thanks for the review and the good luck at school, really needed it today. And yeah sorry for the gossiping nurses but it has to well lead to what I want it to lead to, it's quite confusing to me right now, so sorry.

Right Hand Blue: Lol glad you liked my line and thnx for the review, Here's your update, so hope you enjoy.

Picric Drea: Lol well yeah my plan would be Thatcher killing Mer since I dislike; hate is such a mean word…; them both. Glad you liked it and Addie and Derek will have to deal with some issues sorry.

Addekislove: Oh, you hate Mer in my fic? Is she like different here? Anyway, not that I mind, my plan was making her… well like this –insert evil laugh here-

Liz: Should I have not told you? If that makes any sense, like grammatically seen… But if you wanna know more about the rest of my plans pm me or come on msn lol.

Lu78: Well, she is really unhappy but it'll get better. Not soon but soon enough I think.

Hubby: Take what personally? Desperate review there but I already told ya what's gonna happen.

Mclionmuch: Thanks a lot! And Mer IS a spoiled brat, I could go on and on about what I hate about her but that would take way too long. So, thanks for the review.

**A/N:** Sooo, bleh finally updated. Had a talk with McCutie which was quite depressing for the both of us, next one tuesday, wish me luck

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, even almost lost my pride... crying in front of a tutor, not so good...

**Decisions, Fears and Friendship**

The other day Derek awoke, feeling guilty. Addison surely was blaming him for the fact that the entire hospital knew about their night together. And he had to admit it was a bit his mistake. Derek didn't know why he didn't give her earrings back to her and just left them where she had put them. Maybe it was subconsciously or he just didn't see them. He didn't know.

He didn't know why he slept with Addison, or why he didn't regret it. Derek had no regrets, except from abandoning her back in New York and then in Seattle. But breaking up with Meredith or getting drunk and have sex with his ex wife, he didn't regret. Not at all, which seemed quite strange and highly confusing to him. After all it was him who ignored her. Him who left her and him who cheated on her when she was just in the other room.

_So why doing this now? _He had asked himself that very question a lot in the last couple of days, weeks actually and he had never found an answer to it. Derek had never actually considered him as a person who has weaknesses but ever since he had met Addison he found out that she was his weakness. Whenever she cried, he felt like crying, when she laughed he laughed along. They just fit. The golden couple. The one no one could ever tear apart no matter how complicated it would get. He had told himself that she maybe just wasn't the love of his life, the only woman that was meant for him. But he found himself proved wrong. By himself. Derek had been lying awake for hours now and couldn't close his eyes without seeing Addison in front of him. Seeing the times they were still happy. But all of this was gone now, his world was all in flames and ruins, but how was he going to tell her that?

Addison felt nauseas. She hadn't felt like this in forever. Well, actually she had just a few months ago, but she felt like she was all alone. All by herself. She felt 

insecure after all everyone was looking at her, talking about her and what a slut she was behind her back. But they didn't expect her to care, after all she was the ice queen, with a heart made out of stone, if she even had one.

Addison wanted to cry, to yell and to throw things but she couldn't. She felt broken. Like something was missing. There was no way out of this.

She couldn't regret sleeping with Derek more, or well she didn't actually regret it, it was the consequences that bothered her. Addison wasn't used to this. She just wasn't used to needing someone by her side, but she did. Addison needed Derek. As much as she wanted to deny it, trying not to let him notice, every fiber within her was missing him and craving for his touch. But she wanted to fight this feeling, she needed to. For both of their sake.

"Doctor Montgomery!" Addison heard Alex Karev's voice behind her, but she didn't even bother to turn around to see what he wanted. Addison just kept on walking, she didn't care where she was going, as long as she was just getting away from everything. Everything that had hurt her. Once she had reached an empty on call room Addison sank down on the bed, letting her tears fall freely as her body began to shudder in response to her sobs. Why did this always, always, always have to happen to her? Why her? Was this still payback for sleeping with her husband's best friend? No, it couldn't be that, other women would've been punished a lot harder than her then and she didn't see any of them crying in an on call room during work.

Addison had to get away, far away from Seattle, from the slutty intern that had been throwing Derek flirty glances ever since she had arrived and far away from Derek, the love of her life, but she just couldn't handle being around him and seeing him every day. Especially not seeing him with her.

An hour later after endless floats of tears and then fixing her makeup Addison walked out of the on call room she had been hiding in. Her shaky voice and red eyes betraying the perfectionism she was holding onto so desperately.

"Addison? Are you okay?" Callie asked her friend in a concerned and pitiful tone. A tone Addison despised. She hated it when people were feeling sorry for her, it made her feel weak.

"I'm fine." Oh god she sounded like Grey.

"No you're not. I'm your friend. I know you Addison and I can tell you're not fine." Callie said down next to her.

Addison let a heavy sigh escape her chest. "Alright. I can't do this anymore Callie. Seriously, it's just getting to much and I can't keep up. I don't wanna be all by myself anymore. Everyone here hates me, except for you and Miranda." Her shoulders began to shake again as the sobs overwhelmed her.

Callie wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her into a hug. "Hey, it's gonna be fine." She tried to soothe her.

"No it's not. I'm serious Callie, I have to get away from here."

"But you'll be alone there too."

"I don't care, it's the only thing I can do, move far away and leave this mess behind." Addison sighed, she knew she had to move away from Seattle, and Callie knew this too.

"I know." Callie sighed sadly. She didn't want her to leave. Addison was the only one she still had after the divorce.

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Soooo, did ya like it?

**GIMME**


	10. Thinking, Talking and Kissing

LizzieLovesLife: Thankies and sorry, but it won't be this easy… Have fun at uni!

Shaqueen: Again, gonna be complicated, sorry.

Right hand blue: Thnx, and yeah it's a bad situation, but you all know about my plan

Lu78: Well yeah she's pretty unhappy but it will get better soon.

Liz: Sorry, no msn that late anymore, have to get my migraine to… get better and also school, which totally sucks.

Addekislove: haha you're not mean, believe me, I'm being called the ruler of all that is evil and that by my teacher so lol. Yeah I also think that Addie should leave, she needs some change.

Goldentail: Hmmm I'm not sure if I'm gonna write about the road trip, but we'll see, every time I have to write a monologue? Monolog in german, woho no idea what it means in english… POV? Anyway, they usually really suck.

Wishing For A Love Like This: Seriously, any suggestion for a shorter name? Thanks a lot, one of the nicest reviews I've ever gotten :)

**A/N: **Soooooo my horse is sick and life sucks.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but sarcasm, yh loads of it and a plan for this story, so that means I have nothing.

**Thinking, Talking and Kissing**

"Derek? I have to talk to you." Addison raised her eyebrows at her ex husband, waiting for an answer as she nervously picked her cuticels like she always did when she was nervous. Of course Derek noticed this, she knew it, but just couldn't stop. "About what?" He asked casually as if he wasn't interested or excited about what she was going to say. "About something." Addison answered vaguely, seeing the people around them. "Hmhm, very cryptic Addie, but alright."

"When are you free?"

"Now or in five hours, after surgery."

"Would you meet me in an on-call room in ten minutes?"

"You know how inappropriate that just sounded, right?" Derek grinned at her. He knew she didn't mean it like that, but he just had to say it.

"Hmm, no it would've been inappropriate to say 'Have sex with me in an on-call room as soon as possible!' ."

"I remember you sayin that. That's why I missed watching Richard perform surgery… Because you pulled me into an empty on-call room." Derek sighed dramatically and feigned sadness.

"Like you resisted."

"Fine, you're right I didn't. So, on-call room in" he paused and looked at his watch "seven minutes?"

"Alright, see you there." Addison said with a smile on the lips, still thinking of the on-call room incident as Richard called it, as she walked away.

Seven minutes later Addison found Derek standing in front of an empty on-call room.

"You really just wanna talk? It's such a shame." Derek joked and grinned at her.

xxx

"Yeah I have to talk to you." She walked into the empty room, switching the light on before she sat down on the bed.

"Oh you think that's a good idea?" Derek, still grinning, pointed at the bed.

"Yeah, I think I can resist you." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Alright, alright." He sat down next to her. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah, right so, this is about us, well about what happened between us, but not just that…" Addison started rambling and Addison Montgomery never rambled. Derek felt hope rise in his chest. Maybe she didn't regret this either, maybe she wanted to be with him as bad as he wanted to be with her.

"What is it Addie?"

"I… I can't do this anymore. I just can't be responsible for every bad that happens here, it' like with… you know, I won't give you that example. But you get my point, right?" She didn't wait for him to answer, knowing this would just make it all so much worse. "So, I have to get away from Seattle. Away from all the people who think I'm just the hospital whore."

"What are you saying Add?" Derek could feel a lump forming in his throat. He knew what she mean with 'I have to get away.' Of course he knew, but he couldn't believe it, not until she actually said it and then she did "I'm moving to LA Derek."

xxx

"Doctor Montgomery." Alex Karev tried again.

"No, I'm not up for talking Karev." Addison whipped around and looked at her intern.

"Yes now. For god's sake!"

"And you're almost yelling at me because?!"

"Sorry, but I wanted to ask you something."

"Well then shoot I don't have much time." Addison asked impatiently.

"I wanted to ask you if it's true that you're leaving."Her face dropped at that, how could he know?! She didn't even tell anyone,

"Where did you get that from?"

"So it's true?" Alex raised his eyebrows at his attending.

"Yes it is, but if you tell anyone you're in trouble." She threatened him. He chose to ignore her comment "Why?"

"Oh you really have to ask me that? The only reason why I came here was my husband but that's clearly over, so I'm leaving."

"I thought you came for a job." Alex grinned, she had always said she only came for a case. The TTTS case.

"Oh would you just shush?!"

"Sorry." He rolled his eyes. "So why are you leaving?"

"The short version?" Addison raised her eyebrows and continued when she saw him nodding "Because I have no reason to stay." She said with sadness in her voice, he could almost hear her heartache.

"Seriously? No reason?"

"No Karev, no reason." Addison answered slightly annoyed, why did he have to question everything she said?! Alex had to admit she was pretty hot, so he 

kissed her. Maybe he could be her reason to stay. Was this why he kissed her? Or was it just spur of the moment?

After a bit Addison pulled back wide-eyed and after a second of staring at Alex she turned on her heel and walked away. Alex Karev had just kissed her. Alex, her intern. Why? Why? Why did he do that?! What was she going to do?

xxx

So YAY I updated, even though I totally hate my ud but anywayyyyy its an ud.  
Next one might take some time. Horse is sick, there still is school etc. wow I dont have a life anymore.

did ya like it??

**GIMME**


	11. Breakdowns, Sadness and Planes to catch

Right Hand Blue: YAY you like horses! Pretty much everyone here is afraid of my horse... Glad you liked my update and I hope you won't hate or kill me for this one, it's really not as bad as it looks, I guess...

Kerstin: Thnx for the shorter name! Nice Friends quote you got there! Didn't the stoned guy say it in season one when Monica cooked for him? Any chance youÄre German, btw? Anyway, glad you like the update!

Zoe: Aww you're my favorite 4 y/o and glad you likes, here's some more, don't hate me for it.

LIZ, DON'T KILL ME!!

**A/N: **Horse is better again but now I have a huge bill to pay, 2morrow is gonna be the worst day EVER!

**Disclaimer: **If I'd own them I wouldn't be complaining a/b vet bills and Mer would have been killed!! Or disappeared in a myserious way bohooo but Addek would be living happily ever after.

**Breakdowns, Sadness and Planes to catch**

Addison was frantically searching for her keys, she couldn't find them. And PERFECT! She had ay plane to catch and a million of things on her mind. Searching for her keys was just the cherry on top of a horrible night. Addison hadn't slept at all last night and just couldn't seem to be able to get Derek out of her mind. But why?! Why now?! Couldn't he have been like this when she first came to Seattle?! No, it had to be now, but if she'd go back to him… No, this was no option, she just had to find her keys and then she was ready to go. But where were they? Addison had never been able to remember where she had put her keys, sometimes they were in a cornflakes pack, sometimes under her pillow and this time she had left them in the fridge.

About thirty minutes later Addison finally walked into Tacoma National airport. Now she just had to check in and everything would be fine. She turned around, glanced at the doors, secretly hoping Derek would come to tell her she couldn't leave him, but this was just stupid. He would never do that, he was probably not even thinking about her anymore.

Sadly she couldn't know how wrong she was.

"Chief, I need someone to take over for me today." Derek said, obviously in a hurry.

"What? Why?!" Richard looked up to see Derek nervously running his fingers through his hair.

"I—I have something important to do."

"And what can be more important than saving people's life?!" He couldn't understand him, of course not. The job was Richard Webber's life and he had thought Derek was just like him, but maybe he had been wrong.

"I have to go to the airport."

"Where are you going?" Richard asked and then it dawned to him "You want to stop her from leaving?" He raised his eyebrows and Derek only nodded quickly in response. "You know she doesn't want to stay."

"I know that and I know it's all my fault but I love her Richard, I love her more than anything." Derek sighed. He hated himself for letting Addison leave in the first place, for leaving her all alone and for hurting her. The expression on her face when she caught Meredith and him at prom was enough to make his heart break.

Richard sighed and looked at Derek "Alright, go. I'll get Perry to take over."

A smile spread across Derek's face "Thank you, thanks so much!" And with that he stormed out of the office. He had to tell her how much he would miss her and that he loved her and couldn't live without her. His mind was running on over-drive, all he could think about was Addison.

At the same time Addison was sitting on a bench at the airport, nervously tapping her fingers on her passport. She couldn't believe she was actually doing this, She was going to leave Seattle and her past behind. This was going to be the best decision in her entire life. But why didn't it feel right? Addison felt like she was going to throw up any second. She couldn't do this, not on her own. She needed Derek in her life, but that was gone. It had to be over, she needed a fresh start and this was what she was going to do. Go to LA and start over, without the baggage of the past weighing her down.

She caught herself looking up at the entrance every now and then and when she saw a man running towards her, her stomach was doing little flips and her hopes rose. But it wasn't Derek. The guy made his way past her and Addison sank back down on the bench. _Don't be stupid, why would he come to see me? _She asked herself and indeed it was stupid waiting for him to come, he wouldn't anyway and all this would lead to was that she would be crying for days. Which she was probably going to do anyway. But she needed to get rid of the bad thoughts and concentrate on finally seeing Naomi again. This was the silver line, her polar star. Addison got up slowly, smoothed her skirt down before walking towards the check in.

Meanwhile at the hospital Derek was just about to exit when someone started talking to him "Where are you going?" It was Meredith. Why was she here? And talking to him?

"I'm leaving." He said quickly.

"What? Where?" Meredith looked at him, confusion written all over her face.

"To do the right thing." Derek knew this didn't answer her question, but he couldn't care less, he had to go.

"You're going to see her, aren't you? Stop her from leaving." Her eyes were flickering with anger. How could he run back to Satan?! How could he do this to her?!

"Yes I am." Derek smiled broadly and made his way past her. Suddenly he stopped, leaned against the door. He was feeling dizzy. More than just dizzy. This wasn't good, it couldn't be.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, her voice still filled with anger. Just in that moment Derek broke down.

Addison sighed, this was it, and she was actually boarding the plane. Maybe everything would get better. But she couldn't help the tears that were floating down her cheeks. He didn't come. Once again she looked over her shoulder. Searching for him in the crowd one last time. But nothing, Derek wasn't there. He didn't love her like he had said.

"Help!" Meredith screamed at the hospital, Derek didn't have a pulse; he just lay on the floor, not moving.

**THE END**

Nah, just kidding, but I could stop right here you know... Want me to continue? Only reviews will make me -insert evil laugh-

**GIMME**


	12. Disappointment, Weakness and an Aneurism

mclionmuch: Well, I'm not gonna make this a love story, not yet. muhahaha

Tia: Sorry and rly? He collapsed somewhere else? kwlio... And sorry it took me long to ud, i know, i know

babynurse06: Thankies and glad you forgave me, but come on, the ending wasn't that bad! Theer was a time I wanted to kill Derek soooo badly lol.

Kerstin: Juhuuu, hast dus gut! Ich will auch weit weg And unsatisfying like how? -gasps- i gave you a lot! tears, collapsing... well, no romance, but we don't always have a happy ending lol

My little nymph: lol, I think you know I mean you hun, and you could've just asked me what's gonna happen lol

Zoe:Ms Queen Satan, you're much meaner than me! No Kate drawing, srsly, meanie

PhoebeHasABadPenName: Thankies and no, hes not gonna die, Beth told me not to kill him tonight lol

**A/N:** Sorry I didn't update earlier, but I was busy.

**Disclaimer: **I have nothing, well, a psycho stalker, but that just sucks...

**Disappointment, Weakness and an Aneurism**

Doctors and nurses were rushing towards them, everything was in a blur. Meredith's eyes were panic-stricken. Derek had fainted, without any sign she could have noticed. He passed out, out of nowhere. She knew he had wanted to go and see Addison. It would have been a lie if she'd say she wouldn't have wanted something to happen that would make him stay, but this wasn't anything like she had imagined him staying.

"What happened?" Meredith recognized the chief's voice and her head shot up, her eyes gazing into his direction, though not actually seeing him. She just stared into the empty space. "Meredith?!" He asked her sternly.

"I—he fainted." She finally chocked out.

Xxx

Addison was crying, she let the tears fall freely. How could this happen to her? Again?! He disappointed her; he had never done anything else then getting her hops up just to make her break again. Well, that's what Derek had done in the past few years, he broke her. And he would break all the pieces she had gathered and taped up again. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed, not caring about what people thought about her, like she always had. Right now Addison needed to cry and she didn't even know why. He didn't come, he didn't care about her. Everything he said was a lie and she had believed it. Every single word, not once had Addison doubted he didn't love her when he had told her. But now the realization that it all was a lie hit her hard. How could she have let him get this close to her again? She had let down her guards just to let him hurt her again.

Sadly she gazed out of the window, watching the Seattle getting smaller and smaller, it was over, just over.

Xxx

A few hours later in the hospital Derek slowly opened his eyes, looking at a cold, white wall. What happened? Didn't he go to the airport?

"Derek?" He heard a voice and looked to the left, seeing Richard Webber standing there. "How are you feeling?" Concern was evident on his former mentor's face.

"I… Richard, what happened?" Derek didn't remember anything, he just remembered that he wanted to stop Addison from leaving, he needed her to stay, his memory of what had happened to him might have been gone, but his feelings for her never would vanish.

"You collapsed. And we diagnosed an aneurism." He swallowed. He had an aneurism. But there was one more important thing on his mind just in this moment "I didn't go to the airport, did I?" He asked sadly, knowing if he had talked to her, she would maybe be here.

"No, you collapsed on your way out, I'm sorry."Richard said quietly. He knew how much Derek had wanted to make things work with Addison and he knew 

all it would've taken would have been telling her how he felt at the airport. But he never had a chance to.

Derek's face turned whiter than it already was, if that was still possible. His world broke.

"Do you want me to call her?" The chief asked.

"I… No, don't bother her, she deserves a new life." And she did. Derek wanted her to be happy, even though it made his heart tug to know it wasn't going to be with him. Maybe happy endings didn't exist after all, not for them. Not everyone was meant to be.

Xxx

When Addison landed in LA she put on her sunglasses to cover her red eyes. She had cried for at least two hours straight and now… Now everything she felt was numb. Nothing else. Her stomach was feeling numb, cold shivers running up and down her skin every now and then, but nothing else. She didn't feel sadness, anger, frustration, nothing.

"Addison!" Naomi called when she saw her and made her way over to her best friend but stopped in her tracks when she noticed the expression on the other woman's face. Grief. And of course Naomi knew what the reason for all of this was. She had met Derek and Addison in medical school, watched them fall in love, get married and get a divorce. Naomi was sure Addison still loved him and that he probably still loved her, but she never asked.

"What happened?"

"He didn't come." Addison answered heart-broken, a single tear running down her cheek. Naomi looked puzzled, before realizing what her friend meant. So she quickly pulled her in a hug "I'm so sorry Addie."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Don't cha all hate me? Or still luvvvv me and want me to continue?

**GIMME**


	13. Moving on, McNightmares and Dirty Secret

babynurse06: Actually, I wasn't really thinking a/b stopping, I like this fic too much, god knows why.

mclionmuch: I am sooo used to being told you hate me lol, but if I wasn't here, you couldn't read this, so cherish my excistence (joking, even I am not that much in love with myself). Addek... hmmm can't promise anything

PhoebeHasABadPenname: Well, not a bad penname, but surely a long one. I am shocked you think I'm gonna make it that easy for Derek lol. He has to fight for Addie, fight a lot actually. I've got it planned out, a little.

Zoe: That you hate me, actually really hurt me! And after you told me you hate me you now want me to propose to you? well, already did that but never mind xD Love ya hun!

**4 updates?! Come on! You know better than that!**

**A/N: **Woop I updated, ya happy? I really hope so, because I was like supposed to be cleaning, it's 4 at night (muhaha) and I have tutoring soon, meaning have to get up in... erm, lemme think... 3 hours. YAY I rock lol. Off to cleaning now! Happy Hols!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them -cries- and if I did... hmm I don't think it would be like in my story, but never mind me, I'm just a girl with ideas ;-)

**ohhhhh guys!! **b4 i 4get! I might NOT update in like... a month, b/c i was supposed to be cleaning up and I didn't wish me luck with mom

**Moving on, McNightmares and Dirty Secrets**

A few months later peace and routine had settled over Addison Forbes-Montgomery. She was fine and in LA, it made her all huggily happy. Actually it did, LA had changed her. Miss once so feisty and ambitioned neo-natal surgeon was now happy with delivering babies and just being a normal doctor without cutting. Of course she missed it, but not thinking about all she had loved so much had helped Addison to move on, start a new life. Without Derek, Seattle, rain, Meredith Grey, Mark and all she didn't miss. Okay, another lie, she did miss it, well, she missed Derek, a lot actually but there was no way she was ever going to admit this. Because there was one thing about Dr. Addison Montgomery that not even LA and all the Gandhi lines could change, appearances were important. They were her everything.

Back in New York everyone had thought she and Derek were the perfect couple, the couple that would survive everything, the couple that always smiles and sticks to each other no matter what. But it had all looked so different behind the facade Addison had so desperately tried to hold together.

Anyway, moving on, this was the past and she was no longer going to live in the past with all ist lies and cheating. This was happy Addison, not bright and shiney, because that was not her thing, she was sceptic, always had been.

LA had brought a lot of changes. A new house, a beach, tanned legs, cute surfer guys and well, it was just a new life. And she was dating. Yes Addison+Derek equals Love was still on, for her anyway, but yes Addison was dating. She had tried to date Pete, a colleague, but that didn't exactly work out, they never even had a real date. But then she met Kevin Nelson, a young and quite handsome police officer. And he made her skin tingle again, like Derek had once. She loved him, well, she thought so, but time would show that. He was the perfect gentleman and adored her.

Addison was feeling loved again, a feeling she had missed so much. Getting roses, compliments, dating the same guy, someone being interested in her day and not just nodding along, secretly thinking about how cool it would be to be a super hero who could fly and be invisible at the same time.

She liked Kevin, a lot. He made her happy, he made her huggily happy. When Callie had visited Addison the first thing she had told her friend was that LA wasn't good for her. Callie missed the old Addison, the Addison who loved surgery and her career. To her she was just … different. Happy, too happy, well, for Seattle standards. She was like Sidney Heron. No, okay, fine, not quite as bad, but pretty damn close. Addison had laughed about her back then, said that there was no way she was ever going from the wicked witch of the east to cheery hugging Sidney Heron. And Callie believed her, a little. But she was still too cheery.

Compared to Addison Derek was doing badly. He went from McDreamy to McNightmare. Not that he didn't still look amazing, no, it was his personality that had changed. He barely talked to people, worked a lot and shut everyone out. He missed Addison, he missed her so much it hurt. Every night before he went to bed Derek prayed to every god there was that he would get another chance with her. But he had had his chance and he blew it. Or the aneurysm blew it. Derek Christopher Shepherd was not a man who gave 

up, but in this case he didn't have any other chance and it made him sick in his stomach. Addison had been there for him for over fifteen years, she was the love of his life, his constant. But not anymore, now she was in LA, in another state, probably happy with some guy. Derek was even sure she never thought about him anymore. Which he couldn't blame her for. He had treated her like crap when she came to Seattle and wanted to make everything work. He had ignored her back in New York, he had stood her up too many times and then sent Mark so she wouldn't be alone all the time. That of course was a mistake, but again, he couldn't blame her. Derek had hated Addison for cheating, but he wasn't any better. He had slept with Meredith when his wife, well, ex-wife by now, was in the next room. He had made mistakes and yes, he had paid for it. Hell, he was still paying.

There was no way he would ever get another chance. A chance to be happy.

Xxx

"Hey Callie, I really gotta go now." Addison said, putting on her earring and smoothed down her dress.

"_You so aren't blowing me off for McLoverboy again, aren't you?"_

"I told you, no Mcing anything anymore." She laughed "Besides we have been talking for over three hours! Do something for your money Doctor Torres."

"_Would you please shut up?"_

"Then there's no reason why I couldn't go out with Christopher now." Addison teased, she knew Callie hadn't meant it like that but who cared?

"_Addison!" She whined. "And FYI I work a lot more for my money, not like you." _

"I work a lot!" Addison hissed.

"_Yeah right, I saw that when I visited you the last time." _Addison could literally see her friend grinning right now.

"Shut up and go to Mark." She rolled her eyes. Yes, Callie was dating Mark now. The manwhore, well, ex-manwhore had even proposed to her.

"_He's in surgery." Callie sighed, she actually missed Mark Sloan, there was something not right about that._

"Sorry for you, but I really have to go now." Addison opened the door and smiled at Christopher.

"_Okay, okay. Oh, before I forget the chief wanted to call you."_

"Richard?" Addison furrowed her eyebrows together "Why would he call me?"

"_Duh, he loves you! But I don't know, he said something about very important." _

"What is important Callie?" She stressed. Addison really wanted to go.

"_I don't know, I was reading instyle. Say hi to McLoverboy and no, I won't stop calling him that."_

"Callie says hi." Christopher laughed and leaned against the door frame. "Anyway, I'm leaving now Callie."

"_Okay, do it save."_

Addison rolled her eyes "Bye."

"_Bye, call me soon!"_

"I will, bye." Addison hung up. "I'm sorry." She gave him an apologizing look.

"No problem." Of course it wasn't, it never was for him. And this was what she loved so much, he was patient. Christopher quickly kissed her, before pulling her outside "Now, dinner."

Xxx

"Torres." Callie spun around, it was the chief. Needless to say it was him, who else called her 'Torres', like she didn't have another name. Sometimes that was kinda cool, like Madonna, but not 'Torres'.

"Did you talk to Addison?" Richard Webber asked.

"Yeah I did." She confirmed with a nod.

His eyes lit up "Any way she'll come back?"

"Nope, sorry, Miss happy hugging quotes Gandhi and lost her heart to LA." And Callie hated it, she missed her best friend, well her only friend, except from Mark, but that didn't count.

Richard sighed, he wanted her back.

"Yeah, I miss her too."

He nodded "Did you tell her I need to talk to her?"

"I did."

"You told hr what about?"

"No, because then she wouldn't pick up the phone anymore."

"Hmm, she would most likely change her number." They laughed "Well, thank you Callie." Callie, the chief had called her Callie! YAY!

"Not a problem sir."

"You can call me Richard, after all we share secrets."

"A dirty little secret." Again they laughed, before Richard walked away with a smile.

"What was that?" Mark looked at his fiancé strangely, pointing at Richard, well, Richard's back.

"What was what?" Callie tried to play dumb.

"You and the chief, sharing dirty jokes." He was shocked, a little and Callie had to laugh at his behaviour. "Won't tell ya."

"Come on!"

"No, no way." She shook her head and walked away.

xxxx

So, what's the secret? Won't tell ya guys either

**GIMME**


	14. Guessing, Talking and Phone Calls

PhoebeHasABadPenname: Welllllllllll if you make your name even longer I won't update anymore -insert evil laugh- I know, I'm such a child lol, well, the dirty secrewt, I'll tell some other time, just don't forget to remind me to write it

mclionmuch: Hmmm yeah Addie belongs to derek I knowww! But yeah, for change she's with Kevin now, lighten up, he's HOT!! But I promise that Derek is in this chap!

Sweetie: Well, if you don't review, then you don't get mentioned here, sorry, but same rules for everyone. To make it up to you, I wrote smth you'll like over the headline

Zoe: Did I tell you what happens?? Seriously? God! See my memory is just as bad as yours! Hun -sighs- I have to tell ya this, we're gettin old

RockinStar: Nope, haha, not just yet.

lilo: Thnx and my shrink is named lilo... weird...

**A/N: **So, omg it almost took me an entire month to update! I'm soooooo sorry peeps really! And again w/ the excuses: EXAMS! And to my room, it still isn't entirely presentable lol

**Disclaimer:** Sue me and you'll sleep w/ the fische (yhyh dont own em)

**SvenjaLovesEmily!!**

**Guessing, Talking and Phone Calls**

"Mark Sloan?! The same manwhore from med school is getting married?!" Naomi couldn't believe it and Addison just nodded her head, a huge grin on the face. "You're kidding!"

"No! I'm really not, he proposed to Callie a couple of days ago." And she was really happy for her friend, she had finally found someone who truly belonged to her. Not like O'Malley who just slept with Stevens.

"Gosh, that much to people never change. I mean they do, but I was so sure that Mark never would!" Addison had to laugh at this. "Well, love lifts us up where we blong." She rolled her eyes, but was happy Callie found what she had lost so long ago. Okay, there was Kevin, but something, just something was missing. Whenever she was with Derek there had been tingles in her stomach, just when he looked at her, but this was different now, there were no tingles, everything felt different.

Addison told herself she just needed a little time. Time to get used to someone else in her life. Life? Shouldn't it be in her heart? Well, she didn't have time for that right about now.

"So, Kevin and you seem to be hitting it off huh?" Gosh could Naomi read her mind or what?!

"Erm, yeah... I guess it's going quite good." Addison shifted on her chair, not really wanting to talk about it, especially since she couldn't lie to Naomi.

"You _guess_?" How could someone guess that?! Naomi raised her eyebrows at her friend, not actually getting her choice of words.

"Yes, I guess. What more can I do?" She tried to shrug it off and walked ahead, but of course Naomi wasn't going to let this go, how could she have thought that she would?!

"Well…" Naomi followed her friend with quick steps, heels clicking on the floor "You should _know _if this is going good and not only guess. You, Addison Forbes-Montgomery Shepherd never guess!"

"It's just Forbes-Montgomery now." Addison corrected, hoping she could escape this topic like this.

"And exactly this is the problem."

"My name? How can my name be the problem?" Addison turned around to look at her friend, a confused expression on her features.

"Not you name, well a little. But Derek."

"Derek?" She raised an eyebrow, what did her ex-husband have to do with anything in her life anymore? This was over.

"You only guess that you like Kevin because your stupid heart is still stuck with McDreamy!"

"Don't you start to call him McDreamy as well." Addison was getting annoyed with this. "And my heart isn't still _stuck_ with him. My heart and Derek aren't even close to each other."

"Yeah right, that's why your eyes always light up when you talk about him." Naomi rolled her eyes and walked away, leaving her friend standing there, looking after her perplexed. How could she even say this? Her heart was stuck with Derek, that was not true! Not at all!

Xxx

"Hey, how's my favorite manwhore doing?" Addison grinned into the phone as she said that.

"_Ex-manwhore." Mark chuckled "How are you doing? Heard you're hugging people now and quote Gandhi."_

Callie. Addison rolled her eyes "What else did she tell you?"

"_That you're really annoyingly happy. And Addison, I have to tell you, this is starting to worry me!"_

"Oh so I can't be happy?" She laughed, this was insane.

"_Of course you can be happy, but what Callie's told me you're like jumping around in the streets of LA and hug everyone! Sidney like, really scary, have to tell ya."_

"Sidney Heron?! Please tell me you did _not _just compare me to happy and jolly Sidney Heron who's best friends with butterflies and flowers."

_Mark chuckled "There you go, that's the Addison I know!" _She smiled to herself "Hey, is it weird that I kinda miss you?"

"_Nope, not at all, I'm just this awesome."_

"Oh god, thanks, that just made me miss you less."

"_Thanks Addie, always with the nice words."_

"Sorry." She smiled sheepishly, shocking, she even missed Mark.

"_Oh and Callie has also told me something about a Mr. Loverboy, who is this?"_

"She didn't even know his name?!" This was how Callie listened to her, blocking everything out that she wasn't actually interested in.

"_Not really." He grinned, knowing his fiancée._

"Gosh. Well, his name is Kevin and yeah he's an inspector."

"_Inspector?" Mark held his grin back, who still said that?!_

"Shut up! It's classier than detective and suits him."

"_So he's classy too? Let's say like sixty?" He smirked, knowing that this wasn't what she had meant._

"Mark!" She hissed. "He's not sixty! He's thirty seven so shut up. How's Derek doing by the way?" Why did she just ask this?

_Mark smiled to himself, so it was true, she indeed missed him "Well, he's… horrible Addison, seriously I've never seen him like this." And it was true, in all the years Mark and Derek had been friends he had never ever seen him anything like this._

"Oh." Was all Addison could say to this, she didn't know what to say or what to think, it was wrong to be sorry for him, maybe she should ask what had happened… But then Mark already spoke again. _"Listen Addie, I've got a surgery, let's talk tomorrow, okay?"_

"Yeah sure, good luck, or have fun, whatever, say hi to everyone."

"_Will do, you too, bye." _

Xxx

"Hey, I talked to Addison today." Mark yawned and sat down next to Derek.

"You have?" He felt almost pathetic for feeling his heart beat a little faster.

"Yeah, she says hi." Mark smiled at how much better Derek looked now, his eyes seemed to lighten up when someone mentioned Addison. "Do you miss her?" He asked somewhat carefully, like he was testing the waters, or if he was on thin eyes.

"Miss her? No, I mean I do, but not like that." Derek quickly said, not wanting his friend to get the wrong idea.

"Like what do you miss her then?"

"As in missing to have her around, friendship-ish."

"You two have never been friends, okay, in medschool but that's it, since she came to Seattle you guys played it hot and cold."

Derek sighed, he was right, he had ignored her and all and he regretted it.

"Why don't you just call her? I bet she'd love to talk to you."

"Oh no, I really doubt that." He smiled painfully.

"Well, she asked how you are today so just call her." Mark looked up when he saw Callie coming "I have to go, but think about it."

"I will, thanks. Have a nice night."

"You too."

Xxx

This night Addison laid in bed, listening to the rain tapping against her window. She had gotten used to the fact that it even rained in always sunny LA and actually she had started to like it. The rain always reminded her of Seattle and the few good times she had had there, but mostly it reminded her of Thanksgiving. The Thanksgiving she had spent waiting for Derek on this bench and he never came. But later that night it changed, she had gotten hope that her marriage might still have a chance when he had kissed her. Outside, in the rain.

Addison sighed, there was a part inside of her that wanted this time back so badly. But there was no chance she was ever going to go back there, he had hurt her to much. They were over, despite the tears that were building up in her eyes when she only thought about the fact that he lived so far away and that she couldn't see him every day anymore.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt her cell phone vibrate next to her.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sooo, what do ya think? Bad or good? I know, it kinda sucked but hey, I'm surrounded by fries and all here! And all the food is staring at me, so yh I got a lil distracted.

anywayyyy:  
**GIMME**


	15. What’s with the dirty secret?

Phee: Okay, you know that I have no idea about this stupid secret anymore!!

Zoe: Yep, you're the number one tyo slut lol. Loves ya too!

addekislove: Aww thank you!! Here you'll only get Callie/Addie convo...

raelenie: Thanks so much!! And yeah Addek is love and Shonda killed that, it's tragic...

**A/N: **So, I'm sick, so is my bio teacher, tutor, latin teacher, physics teacher... Get well to all of you!!

**Disclaimer: **Sue me and you'll sleep with the fische!

**SvenjaLovesEmily**

**What's with the dirty secret?**

Rain. In LA. In always sunny, people are way too cheery LA. Great. Addison groaned and looked out of the window. She hated the rain, she just hated it. It made her feel depressed, it made her think of Seattle and how well the rain had suited her mood back then. The sky had always been grey. Grey, oh how ironic. But she was over that, after all she had moved to LA and now it was raining for god's sake! On her day off, rain, great. If Addison would believe in Karma now she'd think there was a big cloud only over her head. But hey, karma doesn't excist.

She sighed and laid back, listening to the rain pounding against her windows, maybe it was just time for sad songs and old photoalbums. Everyone needed this once in a while and today it was her. Addison got up and brought her albums to bed. The albums she had brought from New York after everything with Derek had ended in Seattle. They still had the house, everything had just looked like it did when she had left. Actually Addison wanted to leave all the things just where they were but she couldn't seem to be able to leave their albums, their memories. There were exactly twenty of them, but she had only take three. Med school, wedding and when everything began to fall apart. Addison couldn't tell why she took those albums and not any others, she just did for some reason.

About an hour later she had reached their wedding photos and sobbed uncontralably. Why did they fall apart? Why couldn't she just be happy without this man? Addison let her tears fall freely, after all no one could see her. But then her cell phone rang and she picked up, without thinking of the fact that she still sounded like someone had died.

"Addison Shep—Montgomery?" Great now she had to say the wrong name or what?! Maybe there was Karma and it was just trying to bring her down.

"_Addison? What's wrong?" Callie asked, concern evident in her voice._

"Nothing, I'm fine." Addison sniffed, cursing herself for picking the stupid phone up.

"_No, you don't sound fine, now tell me what's wrong!" Callie said sternly, there was no way she was going to hang up or whatever without knowing what was wrong with her friend._

"It's raining." She stated simply.

"_So? It's raining here all the time."_

"It's raining." Addison repeated and then it dawned to Callie.

"_Reached the wedding album yet?" She asked carefully, this usually was the reason for Addison crying._

"Yeah. Why does it hurt so much?" Addison knew she had an answer to this, but she didn't want to know that she was still madly in love with Derek, she wanted to hear that this would pass, even though she was sure it never would, her feelings would always stay the same.

"_You know I'm gonna disappoint you. It won't stop hurting, you're in love with him, after all that has happened you still love Derek."_

"No, I don't love him. I have loved him in the past, but this is the future and Derek isn't in my future, not anymore." Addison said sadly, she had always pictured their future together and happy, not like this. Not divorced and in different states. But this was the way it was now and she couldn't change it.

"_Addison, come on. Don't deny it."_

"I know, but…" She stopped, what should she say now? 'I want him back every day'? 'I wish I could just wake up next to him once again'? No, this sounded way too desperate. "I just have to get over it, don't I?"

_Callie sighed "That's up to you, but I have to go now, sorry."_

"No problem, talk to you soon."

"_Get better soon or I'm coming down there!" Callie said "Bye."_

"Bye."

"Chief?" Callie knocked on Richard's door, hoping he would open soon or just call her in. She had to talk to him and it was important.

"Doctor Torres, come in." She quickly entered the room. "Sit down."

"Okay, this is about Addison." Richard looked up from his chart, a questioning look on his features.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She…" Callie sighed, how was she going to put this? "She misses Derek, even though she won't admit it, she's still in love with him. I just called and she sounded horrible."

"Okay, and what do you want to do about it? I mean it's up to them, both of them. We can't do anything about it, even though my best surgeon is acting like a nightmare these days and doesn't say more than two sentences all day."

"Well, we can do something. After all I'm getting married soon and Addison is my maid of honor and Derek is Mark's best man…"

"So you're saying?" The chief raised his eyebrows, he pretty much knew where she was going with this, but he wanted to make sure.

"I'm saying we send them off to do stuff together all the time and play cupid." Callie shrugged her shoulders, Mark had already agreed and since she and the chief had planned to get them back together…

"That's a great idea."

"Well, it's mine, so of course it is. So you're in?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Of course I am."

xxx

What do ya think??

**GIMME**


	16. Chapter 16

Hey there everyone,

so, this isn't an update, I'm sorry for that but I am leaving for Nebraska in two weeks (yep, for ten months) so I won't be able to update for a while since I'm trying to do as much as I can in those two weeks I have left. I wanna spend time with my friends and just make this all time.

I'm sorry but I can't find time to write. I even made a schedule to see if I can but no way. I could but I don't wanna have all this stress.

So, I hope you'll all forgive me and I'll update soon, srsly, I have internet over there. And also sorry for not updating before I've heard about Nebraska but yeah my favorite teacher is leaving and it kinda all hit me.

Bye and thanks for showing interest in my stories.


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